Running a business comes with a laundry list of responsibilities—managing finances, overseeing projects, ensuring customer satisfaction—but one of the toughest, and often most overlooked, is having those uncomfortable, yet necessary, conversations with your team.

You know the ones: addressing poor performance, setting boundaries, or confronting behaviors that just aren’t up to standard. It’s no secret that many business owners and managers struggle with this. The challenge? Delivering critical feedback in a way that’s healthy, productive, and actually makes a difference.

We’ve all been there. You get reports about an employee driving recklessly in the company van, or you notice someone consistently dropping the ball on customer interactions. Maybe it’s something as simple as a team member not following through on established procedures. These bad habits can be like weeds in your business—if you don’t address them quickly and effectively, they can spread and choke out the productivity and culture you’ve worked so hard to build.

Despite knowing the importance of addressing these issues, many leaders shy away from having these tough conversations. Why? Because they’re uncomfortable.

The Problem with the Compliment Sandwich

One of the most popular methods out there for delivering criticism is the “compliment sandwich.” You’ve probably heard of it—or maybe even used it yourself. It’s a technique where you deliver a piece of positive feedback, followed by the criticism, and then close with another positive comment. Sounds nice, right? But here’s the kicker: it doesn’t work.

Why? Because the whole point of the conversation—the critical feedback—gets buried in the niceties. The firmness and focus needed to address the issue head-on are deflated. By the time you’ve finished delivering the second compliment, the recipient is left with a clouded understanding of what actually needs to change. The message gets lost, and no one walks away better off.

So why is the compliment sandwich so popular? The answer is simple: the person giving the feedback feels uneasy. We’ve all been there—your heart races, your palms sweat, and the last thing you want is to make someone feel bad or defensive. The compliment sandwich is like a security blanket, wrapping the uncomfortable truth in layers of fluff to make it easier to swallow. But in the end, it’s more about making the feedback giver feel better than actually helping the recipient improve.

Practice to Improve

So, what’s the fix? How do you get better at having hard conversations in a way that’s effective and constructive?

The answer is deceptively simple: practice, practice, practice.

Let’s talk for a minute about the concept of deliberate practice. In any skill—whether it’s playing an instrument, mastering a sport, or even delivering feedback—the key to improvement is deliberate, focused practice. This means not just going through the motions, but intentionally working on the areas where you need to improve, analyzing your performance, and making adjustments.

In the context of having hard conversations, deliberate practice involves role-playing these scenarios. It might sound awkward at first, but there’s no better way to build confidence and clarity in your communication. The goal is to “get the marbles out of your mouth”—to work through the nerves and uncertainty in a controlled environment so that when the real conversation happens, you’re clear, concise, and composed.

Roleplay Conversations

But it’s not just about practicing for yourself. If you’re a business owner or manager, you need to create opportunities for your upcoming leaders to practice these skills as well. After all, one of the main challenges in developing the next tier of leadership is helping them learn how to have these tough conversations.

The easiest way to create these practice opportunities? Role-playing. Pair up with your managers and work through different scenarios together. Encourage them to test out their words, provide feedback to them, and rinse and repeat until they feel confident.

This isn’t just a one-time exercise—it should be a regular part of your leadership development process. The more they practice, the better they’ll become at handling these situations in the real world.

Common Mistakes

Now that we’ve talked about the importance of practice, let’s address some common mistakes people make when giving critical feedback.

One of the biggest? Talking too much. When you’re nervous about delivering criticism, it’s easy to overtalk—filling the silence with explanations, justifications, or even backtracking on the feedback itself. This is what I call “negotiating against yourself.”

Overtalking can lead to a few problems. First, you risk losing the engagement of the person you’re speaking to. They may tune out, become defensive, or simply miss the core message because it’s buried under a mountain of words.

Second, you might talk yourself right out of the critical feedback by minimizing what you’re saying or redirecting the conversation. This not only dilutes the impact of your message but also undermines your authority.

The Power of the Pause

So, what’s one of the most powerful tools in your arsenal when it comes to delivering critical feedback? Embrace “the pause.”

Here’s why: Information isn’t transferred effectively when you overtalk someone, especially when they don’t get a chance to process what you’re saying. The pause allows the feedback to sink in. It lets the feedback sit in center stage, where it belongs, without getting crowded out by unnecessary words.

The pause also forces the other party to engage in the conversation as an active participant. When you stop talking, the ball is in their court—they need to break the silence with their response. This transforms the conversation from a one-sided lecture into a two-way dialogue, where both parties can work together to find a solution.

The Velvet Hammer

Next time you have a hard conversation, try this simple formula, sometimes called the “velvet hammer” technique:

1. Start with an Invitation: Ask the recipient to discuss something with you for a minute. This sets the tone for a respectful, focused conversation.
2. State the Problem: Clearly and directly outline the problematic behavior you’ve noticed. Be specific.
3. Explain the Impact: Describe why this behavior is a problem—focus on the consequences it has for the team, the business, or the individual.
4. Ask a “We” Question: Frame the solution as a collaborative effort. Ask, “What do you think we should do to prevent this from happening again?” This engages the other person in finding the solution, making them part of the process.
5. Embrace the Pause: After asking the question, stop talking. Wait it out, even if the silence feels uncomfortable. This is the most powerful part of the feedback process—letting the other person process the information and contribute to the solution.

Example: “Hey Guy, can you join me to discuss something for a minute? In the last few weeks, I’ve gotten three separate calls reporting that you’ve been driving recklessly in the company van. This is a problem because the number of reports makes it clear that this is a pattern, it reflects poorly on the business, and it’s a big safety hazard for everyone involved. What do you think we should do to prevent this from ever happening again?”

Then—wait. Even if you get a deer-in-the-headlights look: wait. This pause gives the recipient the space to reflect, respond, and actively engage in finding a solution.

Building Accountability

Learning how to have hard conversations is one of the most critical skills you can develop as a business leader. It’s not easy, and it takes practice, but the rewards are worth it. By addressing issues head-on, you create a culture of accountability, where everyone knows what’s expected and feels empowered to contribute to solutions.

So next time you’re faced with a tough conversation, skip the compliment sandwich. Embrace deliberate practice, harness the power of the pause, and use the velvet hammer to deliver feedback that’s clear, constructive, and ultimately transformative.

Your business—and your team—will be better off for it.

Morgan Knox is a speaker, consultant and business coach. She specializes in technology, AI applications for business, and understanding the future of marketing.